


Twilight's Secrets

by Tallihensia



Category: Smallville
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, Future Fic, M/M, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-01
Updated: 2010-07-01
Packaged: 2017-10-10 08:24:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/97658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tallihensia/pseuds/Tallihensia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lex is getting divorced again.  Superman stops by and the two have a long overdue conversation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Twilight's Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Only mine in my dreams. ;-) This story was written for free entertainment purposes only and may not be reproduced for profit or altered without permission.
> 
> Spoilers: General first few seasons.
> 
> Notes: AU after mid Season Three, but mixes in bits from the later ones. No Lexana, but there was Zod, but not Dark Tuesday. Luthor is bad, but not in the same way as Smallville nor as evil as the comics. Etc. Mix and match the canon. ^^ Fic is set ~18 years later.

  
  


  


# Twilight's Secrets

Lex poured two glasses of whiskey and set them on the shelf under the railing. On a balcony 55 stories up, he didn't like to set them on the railing itself; how embarrassing would it be to be sued for negligence if the glass fell off and hit somebody? At the very least, God forbid, Lex was sure he would get a lecture from Superman about his carelessness. Heaven knew that Superman lectured him about enough other things. Lex used to enjoy going out and trying to kill Superman after a lecture. He knew none of the attempts would work, but the amusement value he got out of it was repayment for the aggravation.

"Lex, darling, is that glass for me?" Charise's voice was honey-rich and promised the delights of forbidden fruits and lush gardens.

With an internal sigh, Lex turned, leaning back against the balcony as he watched his wife swish forward. Speaking of aggravation... He pulled out a sheaf of papers from his briefcase and held them out. "No, the glass isn't, but these are."

Frowning, Charise took them and looked at the first page. Her blue eyes widened, accented by the heavy mascara she used. "Lex. What...?"

Lex took one of the glasses and saluted her before he took a sip. "It's been a good run."

"You're **divorcing** me?! But..."

Keeping her in his peripheral vision, Lex turned slightly away. "I tolerate many things in my spouses. Attempted murder is not one of them."

"What?" Her eyes darted back and forth as she tried to decide on a tactic.

Lex snorted. "You put arsenic in my brandy. It was one of the finest brandies in the world, and you destroyed the entire decanter by putting **arsenic** in it. That's just vulgar and tasteless."

"Somebody put arsenic in your brandy?" It was a good imitation of innocence.

Lex shook his head. He was suddenly tired of the drama, even though he'd set it up. Charise just wasn't that interesting of a player. She had been, once. Being Mrs. Luthor had spoiled her, ruined her edge. Pushing a button, Lex called Simon. "You can come get her now. She's on the balcony."

Simon didn't reply, but Lex knew LuthorCorp Security and the Metropolis Police would be over in just a few minutes. They had been waiting, letting Lex have his fun first.

As Charise realized who he'd called, she trembled. "No. Lex, no, you can't... I've been good to you!"

"You were definitely a good lay," Lex mused, taking another sip of his whiskey. "But I've paid less for the same."

With a screech, she came at him, fingers extended, nails sharpened to points, fury in her eyes.

Lex stood still with a slight smile.

When she was inches away, hands grabbed her arms and held her back. "Now, Miss, you really can't. I'm sorry, but Luthor **is** a citizen and assault is illegal."

She twisted in his arms, getting a look behind her. "Superman! Why are you stopping me? He's the villain! He's hurt people, swindled them and corrupted them. Driven them to suicide and I'm sure he's helped them along the way! Death is the least he deserves!"

Ah. That mystery was explained. She was after revenge for her cousin Tallia, destroyed in one of the acquisition wars Lex had had with Tallia's brother-in-law. Though from all accounts, Charise and Tallia had never been close. Oh well. It would be hard to find somebody in the upper social strata who hadn't been affected one way or another by LuthorCorp expansions. One took their chances with brides.

The police came and they took Charise away. Good. Lex wouldn't have to deal with that anymore, at least until the next one. He nudged one of the papers on the floor with his foot. Attempted murder was automatic grounds for divorce and they had her fingerprints and a recording of her pouring the arsenic in. There would be no contest. Lex took another sip of whiskey and contemplated who was next on the list. Maybe he would just stay unmarried for awhile. The peace and quiet would be nice.

Superman flew back, having disappeared while the police were there. "Geeze, Lex. Don't you **ever** stop?"

"Drinking?" Lex held the glass up and studied the rich brown colors through the facets.

"The ex-wives trying to kill you! That makes nine now."

"Technically, they were all wives, not ex-wives. I haven't ever had an ex-wife try to kill me."

"That's because they're all in jail or the loony bin!"

Lex smiled a little. He reached to the shelf and got the other drink. "Here – you sound like you could use some."

Superman looked at him with astonishment for a second, then took the glass and gulped it down in a swallow. He coughed. "God, Lex."

"Haven't reached deity status yet," Lex said mildly. He turned around and crossed his arms on the railing, looking out over the city.

The last of the summer sunset was fading, the air turning to a misty twilight even as he watched. Colors muting, lines blurring. Vision switching from cones to rods while the city came out to play. A bat swooped by, heading for the insects gathering at the light streaming out LuthorCorp tower windows. His own room behind him was dimmed down so that he could watch the city without the city watching him.

On the balcony beside him, the overwhelming brightness of blue, red, and yellow also faded to tolerable greys in the twilight. Superman watched Lex, not the city. But that was nothing new.

"Why do you do it, Lex?"

The question sounded genuine. If somewhat lacking in detail.

There were several questions Lex could answer to those words. He chose to pick out of it, "why do you get married" or "why do you marry psycho bitches" and decided to give an honest answer. Twilight was, after all, the time for it. When light met dark and he and Superman could exist together. "I keep hoping that one of these days one of them will give me a daughter before she decides to try and kill me. Then I'll be rid of her, but I'll have my daughter. That would be worth everything."

Superman reached out for the decanter and refilled his glass. "Lex..." He trailed off, frustration in his voice.

Ah, that was it. Lex wasn't being visited by Superman, though it might have been Superman that had saved him from the vicious fingernails. Instead, this was Clark in costume next to him. Interesting. Clark hadn't been around for awhile. When had the last time been, when it had just been the two of them without the hate? Last week, actually, for a brief visit. And the month before that. Clark had been showing up more recently. Before this year, it had been nearly eighteen years since they'd last just been Lex and Clark.

It made it easier to answer the question. Knowing he was talking to Clark, Lex could say things he'd never tell Superman. It could never be like it was, that was only wishful thinking, but Clark at least **knew** him. And Lex knew Clark, like nobody else in the world today did. Even when they had hated each other, that connection had always remained. If Clark was here, drinking liquor and talking cordially with Lex... Lex wasn't sure what to make of it, but it was an opportunity not to be wasted. A look to his side showed that Clark was sipping the whisky carefully; learning from past mistakes.

Lex shook his head. "I can't expect love anymore. I knew that years ago. And nobody sane would marry me in the first place. But it's just stupid of them to try and kill me **before** the baby! They all have pre-nuptial agreements, they know they're not getting anything. Of course, they wouldn't with a child anyhow. If I'm killed and there is a child, your mom gets custody rights."

Fine whiskey spewed out all over the railing.

That had been good timing. Lex grinned to himself. "Through some intermediaries, of course. Nobody would be able to trace the child back to me, so they would both be safe." He paused, running a hand over the wood overlay on the railing. "I've thought of doing it anyway. I want a child... but I probably wouldn't be a good parent. So have my daughter, or son, and give them to your mom. She knows how to raise a child right. Jonathan isn't there anymore, but his memory is still there on the farm. He would still be there to make sure they kept the straight and narrow. No child from the Kent farm would ever turn to evil and become the villain."

Clark had poured another glass to replace the one he'd spat out. "Well, that's…" He paused, then shook his head, backing away from the topic that was full of traps with their history. Clark sipped the whisky and looked into the glass, finally responding more lightly, "Mom might want a grandchild, but I'm not sure she wants another **child**. I gave them both gray hairs well before their time."

Lex stayed silent. He'd made his point and didn't feel like expanding on it. He really did want a child, though on days like this he thought it would be more criminal to bring one into the world than anything else he'd done over the years. What child deserved a Luthor legacy? That's probably why he used wives instead of artificial insemination. Less likely to actually happen that way. Lex wanted… and was afraid of it actually coming true. So Lex left it to chance, or less than chance, so he couldn't have what he wanted. Typical.

"Lex..." Clark trailed off again.

Lex glanced sideways at Clark. Hesitancy in speech was something he hadn't heard from Clark for a long time and that was now thrice in one conversation. Clark was appropriately eloquent when being Superman or Clark Kent the reporter, yet it seemed now that with Clark dropping those personas around Lex that Clark had also dropped right back into farm boy indecisiveness. Lex supposed it was a victory, of sorts, that he still had that effect on the underlying Clark. It wasn't, though, the effect he had ever wanted to have.

"You've stopped trying to kill me." Clark sounded puzzled, yet afraid. Wanting to ask, but not sure if he'd like the answer. So he couched it in a statement and left it to Lex to answer or not.

And that was a completely different topic than what he'd been expecting. Valid, though. It had been a couple of years since Lex had deployed something against Superman. Superman had been on edge for the first year, hovering, watching, waiting. Then when Lex still hadn't made a move, Superman got curious. Clark started showing through the personas more often, stopping by to talk, hesitantly. He had never before asked, though. Well, there was always a first time for everything.

Lex shrugged, watching the colors darken, feeling the heat of the summer cool in the darkening eve. The sky was still blue, but the air around them was grey. "You stopped lecturing me."

"I wasn't... okay, I was lecturing. But it was because you were doing wrong things!"

"Super villain to match the super hero." Lex shrugged again. "I decided you weren't going to try and conquer the world, so I didn't need to build up an armada against you. Not that there aren't other aliens that might, but it wasn't as pressing a need anymore." He had stopped most of his research projects. There just wasn't any point anymore. If Superman wasn't a threat...

"I never was." Clark sounded angry and hurt.

"Weren't you?" Lex turned around to lean the other way on the railing, looking past the shade of Clark's face. "I remember a few times when that seemed likely. What about your crime spree that summer I was on the island?"

"I... wasn't myself then." An answer as vague and evasive as always, though there wasn't much need for it anymore. It was probably reflex on Clark's part.

"And that can't happen again?" Though, probably it couldn't. Lex had collected and destroyed most of the red kryptonite he'd found over the years. There wasn't a lot left out there. And Clark had never been truly evil while on it. Wild, yes, but evil overlord just wasn't in him. Lex could say that now, yet he hadn't been so sure back then. "And what about Dr. Walden?" Lex waved a hand, cutting off any answers Clark might have made. "I had reasons for it in the past, and you never told me why any of those reasons weren't valid – you just got angry at me for thinking of it in the first place and stormed off."

Clark frowned, barely seen but definitely felt. "I didn't. You were experimenting with **meteor rocks**! It wasn't safe."

"And again," Lex said softly, "You never told me why." He flexed his hand, regrown after the green rock had seeped into his fingers and made a different thing out of something on his own body. He'd chopped his hand off, less dramatically than Bruce Campbell, and had an artificial one made until his own had grown back. But he'd never looked at kryptonite the same way since. Lex wondered if he would have had the ring made if he'd known earlier just what it could do. He might have, just because it annoyed Clark so. Personal safety wasn't anything compared with the chance to mess with Clark, or Superman as he'd become.

"I..." Clark was looking guiltily at Lex's hand.

"It was part of your secrets." Lex turned again. Looking at the city was much easier than looking at Clark, even if he could barely see either of them anymore. The lights in the city weren't the same as the buildings, and they gave a different view. Day and night. Twilight spanning in-between but never lasting. "And you didn't trust me with your secrets."

"It's generally not a good idea to go around telling people you're an alien."

"I agree."

"You do?"

Lex smiled. "If you'd told those you trusted, you would have told half the student body and the town. And most of them could not be trusted; not with something like that. Better not to tell anyone. That really was a secret worth keeping."

"Then why were you so mad at me for not telling?"

Time for more whisky. Lex poured and drank, feeling the buzz along his nerves. It took a lot nowadays to get him drunk, but he was at least on his way to being tipsy. It was time for it. Why not? They had never had this conversation before, and probably never would again. "I wasn't mad... I was desperate."

Sounds drifted up from the city, bouncing off the atmosphere, cars driving along freeways and streets, horns honking, music and televisions turning on.

Clark moved a little nearer, refilling his own glass. Lex didn't know if Clark even could get drunk. Maybe if some meteor rock was distilled into it. He hoped at least that Clark appreciated the taste of the aged whiskey.

"Desperate?"

Lex sighed, remembering the days he didn't want to remember; they only made him maudlin. "You didn't love me anymore."

Clark blinked, the whites of his eyes vanishing for a moment before reappearing, gleaming in the near-darkness. "I... what?"

"You're starting to sound like my soon-to-be ex-wife."

"God-damn it, Lex. I'm too sober for this conversation." Clark knocked back his drink. "What do you mean, I didn't love you anymore? When did I ever?"

Lex laughed for a long time. "Ah, Clark. We loved each other back then. Never say we didn't. We weren't lovers. We were male friends with six years of age between us. Society, Lana, and jail between us, keeping us away from that step. But I loved you, and I know you loved me back."

"You were my best friend, Lex. I loved you as a friend and a brother, but it wasn't anything more than that." Though he used definitive words, Clark tone sounded unsure of himself, there in the darkness with none to see.

Lex smiled bitterly, the smile he'd never let himself show if there was anyone to see. "And so you lied, even to yourself. But you were young. How were you to know? I knew. I wondered, a little, when you were fifteen and sixteen, when I wouldn't let myself touch anything so pure, so innocent. But it was when I lost you that I knew for certain."

For once, Clark was silent. The sound of his cape stirring in the breeze could be heard, but otherwise it was quiet from the lump in the darkness.

"After Belle Reve. I knew, after Belle Reve. You wouldn't meet my eyes, you wouldn't come by just to talk. You turned away when you saw me, your smiles were forced. I knew then, everything I'd lost. There was no more light in your eyes when you looked at me, no more delight in your voice. The once brilliant smiles were dimmed, the eagerness gone. I once had love, but a wind came north, north-west, and it flew off just like the hawk and the heron."

"I didn't! Lex, you had just... I didn't avoid you. I was happy you were back. To have our friendship again..."

Lex shook his head. "I know what I knew, though the memories were lost and gone. That made it all the more striking in the difference. When I saw you again and I went to hug you... you shrank from me. Where once we'd fallen into each other's arms for being back in the living, now my madness lay between. Whatever I did, it was enough to destroy us. Who would want an insane friend? Lana was hurt, I'd apparently also tried to attack you while I was in there... and you'd never know if... or rather 'when' it would happen again. Who could blame you?" Lex stopped to take a breath, reliving the memories eighteen years old. He might have lost the memories from immediately before the sanitarium, but the ones afterwards were vivid.

"I wanted that love back. I was desperate. I couldn't have it so I looked for anything else that would bring me into your circle. Some of what I did... wasn't nice, I admit. But it got me your attention. And then there were the aliens... Zod. Fine." Lex shuddered. He didn't like being taken over, not under his own control. The flashes of memories he had from then scared him. "And you. You were one of them, though you pretended not. I didn't know if the boy I'd loved was still there, or if he'd been indoctrinated like the rest. You fought them... but they fought each other. How were you different? I didn't see the farm boy I'd loved anymore, only the alien that hated me."

Clark had his hands over his face and he was shaking.

Enough of the darkness. Lex turned and walked inside the penthouse, leaving the whisky outside but the door open. He sat down on the leather recliner and waited. The lights inside were dimmed, but they were brighter than the night sky outside.

After a few minutes, Clark hesitantly came in. He looked at Lex with haunted green eyes. "So much... Lex, there's so much I should have told you." He sank down on the carpet next to Lex, kneeling with his hands brushing the weave, head bowed so all Lex could see was the dark brown hair.

He'd always wanted to... Lex reached out and touched that hair. Still soft, still fine. He stroked his fingers through it as Clark raised his head.

"Lex, I'm sorry." Clark tilted his head, pressing slightly against the hand Lex had curled in his hair.

Eighteen years too late. But why not accept it anyhow? It was one of those nights. Lex shifted his hand down to Clark's cheek, touching the golden skin that had always been forbidden to him. "It's alright."

Clark hitched a breath out, almost a sob. "No, no it's not alright. Lex, that wasn't... It wasn't that I didn't lov... love you anymore. After Belle Reve, I felt **guilty** every time I saw you. That was guilt, my guilt, that kept me from you. You didn't deserve me. I failed you, my best friend. I failed you."

Guilt? It could have been. It shouldn't have been. But there was a teenager for you; save your life once and forever thereafter think he needed to save you from everything else. "You couldn't have saved me from going mad," Lex said softly. "That was in the cards from my youth. From Julian to Lewis. I was already there on the island, and I brought it back with me. I'm just sorry you got caught up in it."

"Eighteen fucking years." Clark leaned forward until his head was touching Lex's knee, the bright cape he was still wearing incongruous in the pose. Clark should be in flannel and jeans if they were going back to that.

"Lex, your father drugged you. That's why you were in Belle Reve. He set the whole thing up, to make you lose your memory."

Involuntarily, Lex's fingers stopped moving. After a moment, he forced himself to continue the stroking. It might be the only time this was allowed, after all. "I know."

Clark jerked his head up, dislodging Lex's hand. His eyes were wide, startled, forest green leading an unwary traveler into their depths.

Lex crooked a little bitter grin. "Dad said something about it during one of our fights. And then after he was gone, I tracked down some of his records. It took me awhile to find them, and when I did there wasn't much on Belle Reve, not much at all. But there was a video clip..."

Clark sat still, not moving, barely breathing. His fear was palatable. What did Clark have to fear after all this time? It wasn't the Clark Kent of today, the Superman of the world, that was afraid; it was the memory of the sixteen year-old's fear breaking through eighteen years later. So much fear.

"It was surveillance footage from the common room. You were there to visit me. I greeted you with enthusiasm you didn't share, and I said I'd kept your secret. You looked at the camera in fear. No other words could be heard, but I attacked you less than a minute later, lashing out with hatred. So much hate." Lex hadn't thought that back then he'd ever had so much hate in him. Later, yes. All his love had turned to hate. But back then? Back then, all he'd remembered was the love. He knew, logically, that there had to have been more – he remembered the lies and some of their early fights, yet that all paled compared to what came later.

"It was obvious after seeing that why you didn't trust me. How could you? What would happen the next time I was drugged or hurt? Your secrets were right there, exposed. If the camera had been closer, the common room less noisy, who would have heard what I'd said? For one, my dad. He would have had all he'd wanted, my sanity, your secrets. No, much better for you to have left me there. My dad was relentless; he would have destroyed you. And I couldn't be trusted."

Clark let out a choked off sob and his head again drifted to lean against Lex's leg. "I failed you. I failed you, Lex. I tried to protect you from the drugs, and I failed. I let your dad's henchmen take you when I could have whisked us both to safety. I let the law try and rescue you from that place when it should have been me. I wouldn't break you out when you asked. And when I finally tried, I was there too late to stop your dad. Too late. He was sitting there, next to you, the electric pads on your chest, the bars around your head... too late. I failed you, my best friend. How could I ever make anything right after that?"

Lex returned his hand to Clark's hair. There was something so right about running his fingers through it, some sort of sense memory of something he'd never had but always wanted. Clark. Wavy hair, slicked back for Superman, getting much more messed up and more naturally tousled as Lex finger-combed it out.

"It's okay."

Clark didn't pull his head up this time, but he did shift to one side so he could look up. "It's not. It wasn't then, it's not now. God. How can you say that?"

Because it was Clark, of course. Lex felt like he was twenty-one again, with the teenager he loved in his office asking for random things and Lex would give him the world. It had been twenty years since then. Twenty years, and eighteen of that had been hate instead of love. Lex was tired of the hatred, tired of the fighting. Clark was here in his room, his face pressed to Lex's leg, and he sounded like that teenager Lex had fallen in love with.

"Nothing could have protected me from the drugs if Dad was determined to use them and I was insane already when you were trying to help me from the henchmen," Lex didn't remember it, but he knew about Lana, and he knew when he was admitted; he could put two and two together. "Anything more dramatic would just have you in Dad's line of sight too. The legal way only works for those with money and influence... but unfortunately so does the illegal. I had enough problems getting you out of trouble when you broke Ryan out; it would have been impossible to do the same for me without my connections. Especially not with Dad there. So it's okay because you tried. You tried. My father was older and more experienced than both of us back then. It was inevitable."

Lex just wished it hadn't broken Clark's love. He could have suffered through anything else, but losing Clark's love, along with the alien threats that followed directly after.... Well, nothing was sacred after that. Nothing was left.

"I should have told you."

"Yes." Lex had to agree with that. Ages gone long ago. They had had their brief moment of sun, then fell into night. Had they reached twilight now? Fluid, flexible, lives not conforming to the seasons or days. It felt more right now, though, than it had back then. He was so tired of hating Clark.

Clark was crying silently, tears flowing onto Lex's pants. Lex petted his hair gently.

"I've been preparing for years for an alien invasion. When one came, six years ago, you stopped it. When one came two years ago, you stopped it. It may not be the best thing for Earth to rely on superheroes and not ourselves... yet you are here. And you, at least, are what you've always said you were."

"I've always lied," Clark said bitterly.

"To protect yourself, to protect others. Everybody does that. The world would be lost if you'd never lied."

"You wouldn't be."

Lex quirked a bitter grin. "I, most of all. Enough of this, Clark. You're getting my pants legs wet."

Clark guiltily jerked back. He stared at the watermarks on Lex's leg and reached out to touch them briefly, then swiped a hand across his face.

Lex leaned back in his chair, stretching out. It had been a long day. He'd made a choice not to take over a company, which was almost harder to do than simply steamrolling over it because he could. His wife had tried to kill him... and really, he was more upset about the brandy. It had taken time, though, to find evidence and arrange matters with the police and his lawyer. And now this. Lex was tired enough to go to bed, but he wouldn't kick Clark out. It felt very much like the old days, though Clark wasn't that boy anymore.

Handsome, inhumanly so. The tight-fitting costume molded to Clark's body leaving little to the imagination. The blue and red colors were familiar to those who had seen him in t-shirts and jackets of the same hues. Though not colors adults normally wore, they made the superhero more approachable, somebody open that little kids would run to and trust. The open blue irises also spelled trust – which was ironic when one knew that they, at least, were a lie. Right now, Clark wore Superman's uniform yet his eyes were rich green, the color of pine in sunlight. Open to Lex as he hadn't been since Lex had first met him on the riverbank. Not hiding, but simply kneeling there, watching Lex. Pain was still in his eyes, but Clark'd schooled it away from his face. An older Clark, who had learned the lessons of life over the years.

Lex settled in the chair, relaxing into the comfort of the leather. He rested his right hand on his knee, palm out. "Did I ever tell you about Bucephalus?"

Clark met his eyes, the pain inside lightening as it gave way to a grin. He answered neither yay nor nay, but instead scooted closer and leaned up again against Lex's leg, placing his head upon Lex's hand. "Tell me."

Lex curled his fingers into Clark's hair, stroking his fingers along Clark's cheek. "When Alexander was thirteen, he went out to the horse traders. There was a young horse there, wild and untamed, fighting all who tried to ride him. King Phillip refused to buy such a wild animal. Alexander, however, loved the horse upon his first sight and was determined to have him. He tamed Bucephalus with kindness and love and Phillip gave in. From that moment, Alexander and Bucephalus were fast friends. Alexander never rode any other horse, and Bucephalus never let any other ride him. Truly indeed, the stuff of legends."

The story was abbreviated, however Lex knew that he'd already told the extended versions many times to a younger Clark. This was just... testing the waters. When Clark stayed where he was, head on Lex's leg, making no motions to leave, Lex went on to some of the other tales he used to tell. Old history and adventure mixed into something he could share with a teenager. Stripped of the horrors, telling instead the stories that gave people hope. It had occupied many a day at the old castle back when they had been friends.

Somewhere in the middle of ancient Egypt, telling of Bast and her cats, Lex fell asleep.

Asleep and yet not quite fully, Lex felt himself lifted in large hands, cradled in strong arms and put gently to bed. Lips caressed his cheek gently, and fingers stroked over his scalp. Probably only wishful thinking in his dream fugue. With a weary sigh, Lex turned over and drifted into real sleep.

... ... ...

Martha woke up sensing something different about the house. She wasn't psychic but when you were old and lived alone, the world talked to you differently. Putting on her robe, she went downstairs, not sure what she would do even if she did find somebody there.

It was with a sigh of relief when she saw Clark sitting in the family room, things strewn all around him. Really, Martha was glad that Clark still felt this home was open to him and that he was safe here... but she might have to have a talk with him sometime about warning her when he did come home.

"Hi, honey." Martha walked closer, peering at what Clark had around him. Photo albums. Pages detached from the albums and spread out, loose photos as well.

"Hi Mom." Clark barely looked up. He looked... sad. Sad and scared. He was dressed in jeans and a faded shirt, clothing that he kept around for working on the farm but otherwise didn't usually wear anymore.

A mother's instinct reared up. Martha picked her way across the floor and sat down on the sofa near him. "What's wrong?"

Clark picked up one album page and held it out to her. It was from his early high school years. This page had pictures of Clark and Lex on it. Them standing together at a party, Martha couldn't remember which one, smiling at the camera but really smiling at each other. The next one was at the Beanery, with Pete and Chloe there too, the four of them crowded into the shot, Lex looking uncomfortable, but not resisting Clark's arm around his shoulders. Another from the fair, with Lex and Clark sitting on the back of the truck and eating apples while talking. Martha had taken that one, she remembered – the boys hadn't even known she was there until the flash had gone off.

With a pang in her heart, she put it down. Clark had gone on to other photos, looking them over intently. The sets he was examining were all his high school years, from his freshman year to his senior. And from what Martha could see, they all had Lex in them. This wasn't good.

Martha reached out and picked up one from later on. This had Clark and Lana together, with Lex just off to one side. Probably at one of the events the Talon used to hold. Later on, that was the only time you could get two of them in the same room. Martha had hoped in those later years that Lex would just move back to Metropolis and leave them in peace, but he never did. He stayed in Smallville, with his intrigues and manipulations, bringing his father and his fortune where they weren't wanted. Up until Clark went to Metropolis himself. Then, only then, had Lex left. It should have been sooner.

"Mom," Clark asked, his attention on the photos in front of him, "did I love Lex?"

Martha blinked.

Clark turned around to face her, holding another one of the photos of him and Lex. There had been so many of them back then. "Back then, did I... did I love Lex?"

It was too early in the morning for this. Martha wrapped her robe tighter around herself and wished she'd stopped in the kitchen for some coffee. However, her son had always had honesty from her. So, "Yes."

Clark winced as if he'd been slapped. He looked at the photo. "Why didn't I know?" he asked in an anguished voice.

With a sigh, Martha prepared herself for a long morning. "You were young, Clark. Love, like everything, takes a few times before we recognize it. He was a sophisticated older man with money and a castle. Everything that we were not. It was natural for you to be smitten with his attention."

"He wasn't that much older," Clark said with a frown, then corrected himself, "Isn't."

"He isn't now, but he was then." Martha shook her head. "There is a lot more difference between fifteen and twenty-one, than there is between thirty-four and forty."

"Maybe, but that's not the point."

"Isn't it?" Martha picked up one of the other photos. "Back then, Lex knew it was wrong. He didn't do the honorable thing and stay away, or try and discourage your interest, but he knew well enough that it was wrong."

Clark looked up, suddenly focused on her, not the pictures or the memories. "Is that why you and Dad didn't like him?"

"Beyond his being a Luthor? Yes." A truth she would never have breathed to her innocent son back then, but now Clark had seen a lot more of the world. "Being a Luthor alone wouldn't have done it – Lex did try hard to escape his father's reputation. But the way he came sniffing around you... He was too honorable to seduce you, yet not honorable enough to leave. And his attention brought too much other attention. Nixon, Phalen, Walden... if Lex hadn't been so obsessed with you, we wouldn't have had to deal with them."

Clark opened his mouth to say something, then closed it and shook his head. He looked tired, the weight of more than thirty-four years upon him. Superman peeked through the edges of her son, responsibility for the world on his shoulders.

Martha offered him a little bit more. "We – Jon and I – liked Lex more after he decided to marry Helen. Lex really was trying to be good back then. Getting himself involved with a woman his age and an intelligent one... it made his friendship with you safer."

"Until she tried to kill him." Clark huffed a laugh that held no humor. "So even that was my fault."

"Honey, no!" Martha reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "Helen was a good friend to us. I'm still not convinced that it was her fault."

She could feel his shrug as his shoulder went up and down. Not arguing against his mother, yet not accepting it either.

Clark picked up a different photo. "After Belle Reve... After that, I..." He trailed off.

The photo was another Talon shot. Lex and Clark were next to each other, smiling for the photographer, yet there was something missing from both of them that had been in the earlier ones. Lex's smile was strained on the edges, and his weight leaned towards Clark. Clark's smile was for the photographer, probably Lana, and not for the man standing next to him. He wasn't moving away from Lex, yet neither was he turning to him.

Martha shrugged. "It wasn't Belle Reve, it was just time. You were young, Clark. People fall in and out of love all the time before they find the one for them. A year, sometimes less, and then the pedestals are lowered and we see people for what they are, not what we want them to be."

"Lex never stopped loving me."

"Lex was obsessed with you!" Martha snapped before she regained her temper. "He went from trying to give you things and following you around to keeping secret rooms about you to trying to kill you. That was not love."

Clark looked up, again studying her with eyes older than his years. "You hate him."

"He tried to kill you, several times." Martha had to stop to unclench her teeth. "I can't protect you from the world, I know that, but I will never forgive him for hurting you."

She took a breath. "Why are we even talking about this? You hate him as well. After all that he has done..."

"Things change," Clark said softly, his gaze sweeping over the photos. "Lex hasn't tried to kill me for over two years, and I haven't found anything wrong with his current business practices."

Martha studied her son. Clark's voice was intent, the way he was when he was searching out a story. There was more here than just wishful thinking. "What do you think happened?"

Clark's hands hovered and then touched on a photo at the Smallville fertilizer plant. An old one with Lionel Luthor in the foreground and Lex standing respectfully off to one side. Lex had so wanted his father's approval back then. His father's approval, and love, which he never got. If it wasn't for everything else that Lex brought with him, Martha would have welcomed him into the family just to give him that love. Her heart ached for the young man who had only Lionel Luthor as a role model. Clark, though, had been her first priority. As much as she felt for other foundlings, Clark and Clark's needs came first. Martha would never have endangered Clark by bringing their family into Lionel Luthor's notice. It was unfortunate that Clark managed to do that on his own with his friendship with Lex.

"I don't know. But something did. Lex... Tonight, Lex was more like he'd been. Well, grown up and more like he'd been. He wasn't as desperate as when we were young, yet he was honest in his own way. Lex doesn't hate me anymore, Mom. And… and I think we were wrong back then."

That cup of coffee she hadn't gotten was becoming more of a priority. Martha weighed her options and then got up and went to the kitchen. "Would you like some coffee, honey?"

"I don't hate him either, I don't think." Clark left the photos and followed her to the kitchen. "I should have told him. If not about me, then about Zod, about the other stuff. Not left him alone like that." He looked away, out the window but never seeing the outside. "I never thought about how it must have seemed to him."

Clark sighed, "Mom, I'm so confused."

Martha's hand trembled as she poured the coffee grounds into the filter. No. She did **not** hear what she thought she heard in her son's voice. And yet she bit her lip to say nothing. Warning Clark against Lex all those years ago had backfired on them. Clark was older now, less prone to rushing in, but there was all that history between them.

"What are you going to do?" Watching the brown drops fall into the glass, Martha was reminded of rain on the fields, or blood from a wound. Nothing was ever just one thing when it came to Lex Luthor.

"I want to talk to him some more, get to know him again." Clark paced restlessly in the kitchen. "I haven't dug up anything on his companies recently, but for this, I need to be sure. I'll call my sources, see if the changes are real or a cover for something else. Superman could make a follow-up visit to some of the last ones I busted. Though that might just make him mad. Or maybe it wouldn't. He was in a really weird mood last night."

"What happened last night?" Martha poured the coffee for herself and Clark and got out the sugar. One teaspoon for her, four teaspoons for her son. Some things never changed. She pushed the cup to him.

"Thanks, Mom." Clark sipped gratefully. "Lex's latest wife tried to kill him."

"Again?" Martha sighed. That boy never learned.

"Yeah, again. She was arrested and then Lex and I talked. He was... Lex was tired."

"No wonder. That makes, what, ten now?" All part of that self-destructive streak Lex had always had, yet somehow Lex never managed to destroy himself, just those around him.

"Nine. Mom, Lex wants you to raise his baby."

Martha choked on the coffee. Clark hurriedly got her a towel and helped to mop up.

"Er, I didn't quite mean it like that. Well, sortof. Lex said that he'd arranged so that if there was a child and he died, that the child would be given to you but in a way that nobody would know whose child it was."

"I'm... flattered." And she was, oddly so. Lex had never made any secret of wanting into their family in the early days, but Martha hadn't realized how much of that he still felt.

Martha sighed. It was going to happen no matter what she thought of it. She might as well give her blessing now and be there for Clark. When things went wrong, as they probably would, Clark would need his family.

"Honey, I'm glad that Lex isn't trying to kill you anymore." That part, at least, was true. "I don't know what to make of this... but you need to follow your heart. I will support you, in whatever you choose to do. I love you, Clark."

Clark put his cup down and swept her up in a ginormous hug, a word that could only describe a Clark-hug. Martha held on best she could and gave her son her love. And hoped that this time things would turn out better.

... ... ...

A month later, Lex's divorce was final, his ex-wife was awaiting trial without bail, and there was nothing interesting happening.

Oh, there were the usual corporation meetings and corporation dealings. Some science areas were showing promise in their research. A lunar landing was imminent with private sector funding. All that, though, was old hat.

Superman had come by a few times in the last month, checking older plant operations. He'd been completely in super hero mode, only attending to what needed to be looked at. Clark Kent, reporter, had asked for an interview and been given one. He kept it professional, asking only what was on the list.

Lex hadn't seen Clark since that night. He tried not to let it hurt too much.

It was 5pm, and though Lex never kept regular hours, there wasn't any pressing need to stay late. He gathered his briefcase and files and locked them in the safe. Tonight, they wouldn't be coming home with him. Lex, in fact, wasn't going home.

Heading down to the garage, Lex walked among his cars, waiting for one to grab him. He still had Porsches but they didn't appeal to him as much as when he was younger. Crash enough of them, and that would happen to anyone. Lex decided on his latest Koenigsegg. The Scandinavian heritage appealed to him.

Getting in the car, Lex was hard put to stay within city speed limits. The car wasn't made for slow. In Metropolis Lex tended to be more careful. Outside of it, though... Lex headed for the borders of the city.

He was driving on a high overpass when a figure up ahead caught his eye. Tall and muscular, though hidden somewhat in the red flannel shirt and jeans he was wearing. He was leaning on the overpass railing where pedestrians weren't supposed to be, watching the oncoming traffic without fear.

Lex blinked, not sure if he was hallucinating. As he got nearer, Clark lifted up a hand and turned his thumb up.

It felt good to laugh. Lex stopped in the middle of traffic, not caring about the people piling up behind him. He unlocked the doors and gestured at Clark to get in. There was another moment of hilarity as Clark almost broke the door, not expecting it to slide forward and up like it did. Luckily, Clark remembered enough of the old days and fancy cars to figure out the odd door and Lex's insurance was safe.

"Hitch a ride?" Clark asked with a grin as he slid in.

"Sure," Lex agreed easily, starting the car again and speeding out.

"Haven't lost your taste for fast cars," Clark noted.

Lex snorted. That was obvious. "What brings you out this way?"

"Oh, this and that. Wanted to get away for awhile, and you seem to be heading in my direction."

Lex took the exit that would lead to Smallville.

They rode together in companionable silence for awhile.

"Let's not go to Smallville," Clark suddenly said.

Lex looked sideways at him.

"That was the past. I don't want to go back there. Except to visit Mom."

Clark had a point. "Where do you want to go?"

Glancing around, Clark seemed to settle west. "How about Colorado? We could visit the Grand Canyon."

"That's in Arizona." Lex shook his head. But he still turned off the next exit to the west.

"Oh." Clark blushed. It was cute, how he could still do that at thirty-four.

"Were you satisfied with all your checking?" Lex was genuinely curious.

"Yeah..." Clark settled back in the seat, content to be the passenger and watch the scenery. "It would be one thing if you came to me, promising to change and saying all the words. But this... Lex, you changed **first**. You weren't even going to tell me. You just went out and did it. Cleaned up all the unsafe practices, stopped the random weird-ass takeovers, not even some meteor research on the side."

Lex coughed. "Oh, there's still some of that."

Clark raised an eyebrow. "Well, I guess I could have expected it. But not unsafe anymore, right?"

Lex shrugged, uneasy with the conversation even if he'd invited it. He wasn't used to being praised. The empty praises of the sophisticates, yes, and the lauds of the masses. But not the genuine sort from the likes of Jonathan Kent's son.

"Are you going to make me go to jail, payment for my past sins?"

Clark looked out the window. "I should. But your worst ones were because you were trying to save the world. I didn't see that then. And... it's partially my fault. Or mostly my fault." Clark ran a hand through his hair. "The things I didn't see… I don't agree with the ends justifying the means, yet I've worked with other people who have felt the same. I think you're sorry for them now. If you weren't, you wouldn't have changed on your own. And that means more to me than anything. If it had been something else, I don't think I would have believed it. But it's you. Nothing you do is predictable."

Loosening his grip on the steering wheel, Lex tried not to show how relieved he was. Jail would always remind him of those half-glimpsed forgotten memories of Belle Reve. "So what next?"

"What next indeed?" Clark grinned, his old mischievous one. "Pull over."

"Where?"

"Anywhere." Clark waved a hand at the expanse of empty road and not much out there.

Lex shrugged and took the car off to the side, easing her gently on the asphalt with an eye out for stray nails and debris on the side of the road.

Clark unbuckled his seat belt and leaned over to Lex's side. Lex kept his hands where they were, left one on the wheel, right one on the shift. He watched as Clark got closer, as Clark's hands descended, the right one on Lex's leg, the left on Lex's shoulder. Lex closed his eyes when Clark got even closer.

A kiss. Gentle upon Lex's lips. Not an inexperienced kiss, but one that was still in a way hesitant. The pressure, the soft sucking, the way lips moved over each other. A dream. Wishful thinking made into reality. Possible reality.

The lips left his and Lex blinked open his eyes.

Clark was looking at Lex but withdrawn into himself, evaluating the kiss.

Lex smiled slightly. He hadn't been sure, but he was now. That was Clark's first kiss with a guy. Clark hadn't been sure if he would really like it or not. Sure enough to try, hesitant enough to wonder.

Green irises refocused, the pupils dilating out. Another wicked grin and Clark leaned back in.

This time, Lex's hands moved as well. Around Clark's body, holding on. He didn't even care that it was an awkward angle in the car or that his neck hurt. All Lex cared about was the lips on his, the tongue sliding into his mouth, the taste of his heart. Somebody in the car was making whimpering needy noises and Lex feared that it was him. He didn't care. He didn't care at all.

When Clark pulled back, they were both flushed and panting. Lex liked that look on Clark; he liked it a lot.

Clark reached out a hand and drew his fingers over Lex's cheek. Lex leaned into the gesture, his gaze trapped with Clark's.

With a smile, Clark settled back into his seat and clipped the belt into place. "Grand Canyon?"

"Why not?" Lex grinned back and started the car.

Together, they drove down the freeway, nothing around but the two of them and the land and the sky. Colors changed ahead of them while behind them it grew dark. Twilight was where day met night, and ahead of them was the promise of a new day and a new life.

 

* * *

End  


* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Story notes:  
> \- Bruce Campbell. Reference to Evil Dead II where Ash chopped his hand off after it was possessed.  
> \- North by Northwest, a hawk and a heron. Reference to Hamlet. "I am but mad north-north-west: when the wind is southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw." (_handsaw_, btw, was an old word for a heron)  
> \- The Koenigsegg's doors. And possible teasing for Clark and/or Lex later on. ^^  
> [ http://jalopnik.com/5408539/the-perils-of-koenigsegg-ownership ](http://jalopnik.com/5408539/the-perils-of-koenigsegg-ownership)
> 
> Thank you to the awesome betas Sue Dreams and Tainry. ^^
> 
> For the [CLFF Wave 37: Wishful Thinking](http://www.clff.onnedhiel.net/Wave%2037/WAVE%2037%20SubmissionsA.htm), with the awesome photo by Ctbn60 (thank you!), and the prompts Twilight, Kiss, Photo
> 
> Cross-posted at [my livejournal](http://community.livejournal.com/alatrific/15617.html).


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